You don't fool me, you stupid myna bird! I'm not deaf yet!
Just you wait!
Oh, bugger!
Shut up!
- Right in the wing. - Shut your beak!
Gott Im Himmel, I never get any peace here!
- Ludwig! - What?
Have you seen the sugar bowl?
No, I haven't seen the bloody sugar bowl!
Give me the sugar bowl!
Sod the sugar bowl! I'm trying to finish this stinking tune!
You're driving me spare, so shut up!
No, no, no!
Ludwig, have you seen the jam spoon?
Stuff the jam spoon!
It was in the sugar bowl!
Look, get out, you old ratbag! Buzz off and shut up!
I don't know what you see in that piano!
Leave me alone!
I got it! I got it!
Do you want peanut butter or sandwich spread for your tea?
What?
- Peanut butter! - I've forgotten it!
- I had it! I had it! - Do you want peanut butter
- or sandwich spread? - I don't care!
Oh, I don't know.
I had it! I had it, you old bag!
Can you keep that down?
What are you doing?
- What's that? - I can't hear that!
Gott im Himmel! I'm going out!
Well, if you're going out, don't forget we got the Mendelssohns coming for tea,
so don't forget to order some pikelets.
Pikelets? Pikelets?
Shakespeare never had this trouble!
Do you wanna wait?
Incidentally, it's...
You're right. Incidentally, why not call him Hamlet?
Hamlet I like.
Much better than David.
Michelangelo, you can use David. I won't sue.
Thanks, but I've had a better idea.
From the pulsating pages of history,
from the dark and furious days of Imperial Rome,
we bring you a story that shattered the world.
A tale so gripping that they said it could not be filmed.
A unique event in cinema history.
From the makers of Gunfight at O.K. Coral In Morse Code.
And now for something completely different,
a man with three buttocks.
Good evening. I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton, who has...
Mr Frampton, I understand that you, as it were, have...
Well, let me put it another way.
I believe, Mr Frampton, that whereas most people have two...
Two, you...
You...
- I'm sorry? - Yes, yes I see.
- Are you quite comfortable? - Yes, fine. Thank you.
Mr Frampton,
vis-à-vis your rump...
I beg your pardon?
- Your rump. - What?
Your posterior.
Derrière.
- Sit upon. - What's that?
- Buttocks. - Oh, me bum!
Well, Mr Frampton, I understand, Mr Frampton, that you have a 50% bonus
in the region of what you said.
- I've got three cheeks. - Yes, yes. Splendid, splendid.
Well, we were wondering, Mr Frampton,
if you could see your way clear...
- Here, what's that camera doing? - Nothing, nothing, nothing at all.
We are wondering if you could see your way clear
to giving us a quick...
A quick visual.
Mr Frampton, would you take your trousers down?
What? Get off!
I'm not taking me trousers off on television. Who do you think I am?
- Please take them down. - No.
- Just a little bit. - No.
Now...
Now look here, Mr Frampton,
it's perfectly easy for somebody to just come along here to the BBC
simply claiming that they have a bit to spare in the botty department.
The point is, Mr Frampton, our viewers need proof.
I've been on Persian radio. Get off!
Arthur Figgis'd know if I got three buttocks.
- How? - We go cycling together.
Strewth!
Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, Liszt,
Brahms, panties... I'm sorry.
Schumann, Schubert, Mendelssohn and Bach.
Names that will live forever.
But there is one composer whose name is never included with the greats.
Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty
de von Ausfern-Schplenden- Schlitter-Crasscrenbon-
Fried-Digger-Dingle-Dangle-Dongle-Dungle-
Burstein-von-Knacker-Thrasher- Apple-Banger-
Horowitz-Ticolensic- Grander-Knotty-Spelltinkle-
Grandlich-Grumblemeyer- Spelterwasser-Kurstlich-
Himbleeisen-Bahnwagen-Gutenabend-
Bitte-ein-Nürnburger-Bratwurstle- Gerspurten-Mitz-Weimache-Luber-
Hundsfut-Gumberaber-Shönedanker-
Kalbsfleisch-Mittler-Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?
To do justice to this man,
thought by many to be the greatest name in German Baroque music,
we present a profile of Johann Gambolputty
de von Ausfern-Schplenden- Schlitter-Crasscrenbon-
Fried-Digger-Dingle-Dangle-Dongle-Dungle- Burstein-von-Knacker-Thrasher-
Apple-Banger-Horowitz-Ticolensic- Grander-Knotty-Spelltinkle-
Grandlich-Grumblemeyer- Spelterwasser-Kurstlich-
Himbleeisen-Bahnwagen-Gutenabend-
Bitte-ein-Nürnburger-Bratwurstle- Gerspurten-Mittz-Weimache-Luber-
Hundsfut-Gumberaber-Shönedanker- Kalbsfleisch-Mittler-
Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
We start with an interview with his only surviving relative,
Karl Gambolputty de von Ausfern...
I first met Johann Gambolputty
de von Ausfern-Schplenden- Schlitter-Crasscrenbon-
Fried-Digger-Dingle-Dangle-Dongle-Dungle- Burstein-
von-Knacker-Thrasher-
Apple-Banger-Horowitz-Ticolensic- Grander-Knotty-Spelltinkle-
Grandlich-Grumblemeyer-Spelterwasser- Kurstlich-Himbleeisen-Bahnwagen-
Gutenabend-Bitte-ein-Nürnburger-
Bratwustle-Gerspurten- Mitz-Weimache-Luber-Hundsfut-
Gumberaber-Shönedanker-Kalbsfleisch-
Mittler-Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm,
when he was with his wife,
Sarah Gambolputty de von...
Yes, if I may just cut in on you there,
Herr Gambolputty de von Ausfern- Schplenden-Schlitter-Crasscrenbon-
Fried-Digger-Dingle-Dangle-Dongle-Dungle- Burstein-von-Knacker-Thrasher-
Apple-Banger-Horowitz-Ticolensic- Grander-Knotty-Spelltinkle-
Grandlich-Grumblemeyer-Spelterwasser- Kurstlich-Himbleeisen-Bahnwagen-
Gutenabend-Bitte- ein-Nürnburger-Bratwurstle-
Gerspurten-Mitz-Weimache-Luber- Hundsfut-Gumberaber-Shönedanker-
Kalbsfleisch-Mittler-Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm,
and ask you just quickly
if there's any particular thing
that you remember about Johann Gambolputty
de von Ausfern-Schplenden- Schlitter-Crasscrenbon-
Fried-Digger-Dingle-Dangle-Dongle-Dungle- Burstein-von-Knacker-Thrasher-Apple-
Banger-Ticolensic-Grander- Knotty-Spelltinkle-
Grandlich-Grumblemeyer-Spelterwasser- Kurstlich-Himbleeisen-Bahnwagen-
Gutenabend-Bitte- ein-Nürnburger-Bratwustle-Gerspurten-
Mitz-Weimache-Luber-Hundsfut-
Gumberaber-Shönedanker-Kalbsfleisch- Mittler-Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?
A tribute to Johann Gambolputty
de von Ausfern-Schplenden- Schlitter-Crasscrenbon-
Fried-Digger-Dingle-Dangle-Dongle-Dungle-
Burstein-von-Knacker-Thrasher- Apple-Banger-
Horowitz-Ticolensic- Grander-Knotty-Spelltinkle-
Grandlich-Grumblemeyer- Spelterwasser-Kurstlich-
Himbleeisen-Bahnwagen-Gutenabend-
Bitte-ein-Nürnburger-Bratwurstle- Gerspurten-Mitz-Weimache-Luber-
Hundsfut-Gumberaber-Shönedanker-
Kalbsfleisch-Mittler-Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.